Feb 17 2009
Work, Play and the Full-Time Mother
I love getting together with other moms of young toddlers and sharing our experiences. One of my friends has a son who’s a poor sleeper like the Pibler, and also a prolific breastfeeder. Another friend is doing a PhD and so we talk about trying to balance the life of the intellect with a life of changing nappies, singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ and still having something left for yourself (and your partner…if you’re lucky).
Today we chatted about trying to find time for writing and study, and we talked about mothers who seem to do it ‘all’, for example doing Phd’s with newborn babies. I shared with my friend how I often compare myself to other mothers: either I feel guilty because I need other things in my life apart from my relationship with my child, which (I judge myself) means I am not ‘earth mother’ enough - therefore not a good enough mother; or I feel inadequate because I am not fulfilling my creative and working potential by doing so little work.
Both of these comparisons bring us up short, instead of helping us to focus on how we, in our individual families and lives, can bring balance and peace to our lives. This evening during my meditation I became aware of how being a full-time mother with only very part-time, self-employed ‘obligations’, frees me up to enjoy being part of my community in a way I couldn’t do before.
I felt so lucky today. If I had a ‘job’, I would probably have been sitting in an office or something similar all day, while the Pibler was looked after by someone else. But instead, I got to fulfil both my need for adult company, stimulation, and even intellectual interest, and the Pibler’s needs for being part of a community and learning from the adults around him, by spending the day at the Breastfeeding Drop-in and the Hanover Stops for Tea NSPCC fundraiser, both held at Hanover C0mmunity Centre.
I felt grateful that the Pibler has a regular place other than home where he knows people and can feel part of a broader ‘village’, that he is so comfortable and safe in that environment; I felt grateful for how many people I now know in Hanover and the sense of belonging that gives me; and for the opportunity to be of service to my community and feel part of something bigger than myself.
Somehow, when I was working I led a far more ‘me-me’, atomised existence. I tried to fit my writing and other hobbies around my work, but was frequently so drained by it that I neglected these things, instead spending all my evenings socialising. I have done volunteer work on and off for several years, but often it ended up feeling like just another obligation on top of my paid work, too much to fit into a busy life. Now I can enjoy my voluntary work - and indeed the concept of ‘work’ and ‘play’ have become a lot closer these days. There is less separation in my life, and the different parts are starting to work together far more efficiently.
