Feb 04 2009
Child Time vs Clock Time
I’ve been reading a fantastic book, “Letting Go as Children Grow” by Deborah Jackson, author of “Three in a Bed ” which inspired me earlier in the Pibler’s life to continue co-sleeping as a way of life.
“Letting go as children grow” is so comforting and reassuring to mothers like me who like a more ‘hands-off’ approach in our parenting. I’ve sensed instinctively from the beginning that the Pibler can be trusted to grow in his own time and his own way, and that I am just there to facilitate a loving, accepting atmosphere for that. Still, I’m surrounded by messages from my culture that advocate a ‘hot-housing’ attitude towards children, ‘cultivating’ them with lots of ‘educational activities’ and structuring all their time, making it hard for me to keep the faith at times.
That’s why books like this, and of course “The Continuum Concept , are so valuable. They remind us that our parenting is socially situated, and that we can question the assumptions so deeply embedded in our society. One of these is our reliance on ‘clock time’, structuring (and over-structuring) our lives around the clock. Constantly being geared towards the results of our actions in a future time-frame, rather than focussing on the process here and now, as our children are still able to do. This results in parents often rushing their children around and interrupting their process, not giving them time and space to explore and learn naturally. A young child’s sense of time is entirely in the now, and we can learn a lot from that.
Today when I took the Pibler to the park, we had fun looking at half-melted snowmen (covered with lots of dirt!), dogs and a man mending a football goal. The Pibler stopped to watch what he was doing, and I realised that usually I might have hurried him along after a few brief moments. But this time I hung back while he watched, and ended up having a rather nice conversation with the guy about his two-year-old son’s explorations into stranger’s gardens - and how at that age they just want to see everything! When the Pibler had had his fill of observing, we moved on. No stress, no haste - we didn’t have a train to catch, after all - and we remained in harmony.
My resolution at the moment is to try and not over-plan our days, leaving space between activities for the unknown and surprising. When the Pibler starts to walk more than be in the pushchair, this will become even more essential, as I’m told the ‘dawdling’ phase will begin! I’m sure it will be challenging to my productive mindset, but I’m looking forward to our co-explorations into the nature of things: him seeing things for the first time, and me re-seeing them 
