Jan 27 2009
Self-Inquiry and Truth
A couple of days ago I watched a few excerpts of talks by American spiritual teacher Gangaji, and it uplifted and inspired me. She teaches about self-inquiry and truth, being completely honest with yourself about what your life is about. It started a reflection in me on what, exactly, I am trying to bring to life here: what values do I live out day-to-day, what values do I teach my son by example, and how do the activities of my life reflect that?
My week has been busy so far. Describing what I’ve done wouldn’t convey the completely wiped-out feeling I’m left with at the end of each day, of having worked very hard indeed. It’s the feeling I sometimes got after a twelve hour shift as a support worker, working with people with learning disabilities and mental health problems. It’s a similar sense of non-stop negotiation, constantly juggling my own needs with someone else’s, and not having enough space, silence, solitude. As exciting and precious as it is, it’s undeniably draining to be the life support system for a newly developing person. Even as he is becoming more independent, he is still very much a ‘baby’, which can be easy to forget when I’m around newborns and he looks so grown up!
In the midst of all this action it’s all the more essential to stop and take in the perfection of everything, stand as the stillness within the movement, and appreciate the ever-flowing nature of life. Within that, I am still working out what my truth is, moment by moment, and often it can be so confusing! Being a mother, being a writer, a yogi, a lover, a friend, a volunteer, all these things - all are part of me and yet none define me. Gangaji’s teachings left me with a deep feeling of stillness within the activity, and the question she poses - ‘What does my life stand for?’ - is certainly an inspiring one to contemplate.
