Dec 07 2008
Consensual Living in Progress
So I’ve been trying out some of the ideas around Consensual Living the last few days, mainly with my toddler, but also with my partner.
One thing I’ve noticed is : it’s a lot easier with my little one. Is that because I give him the benefit of the doubt more often, or because he’s cuter? Or because he’s non-verbal? (well, mostly - he’s pretty verbal when he wants something).
I’ve been trying things like taking the Pibler just outside the front door when he doesn’t want me to put his coat on, and we’re about to go out. Then he sees that the temperature is cold, experiences that for himself, and willingly has his coat put on. Amazing!
If only everything were that simple. Sometimes, I just want to get on to the next thing, and I have a list as long as my arm of things that should have been done yesterday. Laundry that has to be put away before there is space in the laundry basket to get the newly-washed load out, but there’s still other stuff hanging up to dry…and a sink full of dishes…but the Pibler wants to play and read a dozen books before he has his nappy changed, and then when I let him romp around a bit first, he pees all over the bed, soaking right through the duvet and sheet. He has no idea that there are these ‘other things’ to do…he is ‘in the moment’, enjoying himself.
So, now I have more work to do, and I feel a little foolish. I know my partner, and most people, would probably just have wrestled the Pibler onto the changing table and Done the Deed. But I know our relationship is intact, because I have not been forceful with him, and that feels good. Even if I have to handwash the duvet because it doesn’t fit in the washing machine.
